Resolutions of Life

Let's talk about anime again. --- Recently i've not been watching anything romance-related. It's all the cutesy stuff. I've come to learn the term - Cute Girls Doing Cute Things, or CGDCT. Watashi Ni Tensei Ga Maiorita! is a good example. Absolutely loved the university girl taking care of 3 elementary school girls. Also got into watching sports anime but featuring cute girls too. Shakunetsu no Takkyou Musume , Bakuon and Long Riders . Didn't expect myself to watch this genre of anime in the past. In all honesty. --- A little burnt out watching animes but still enjoying some series. Hopefully i can resume watching romance related anime now. Oregairu S3 is out but i think i will wait till the entire season is aired before starting. Meh. Short update.

It has been a week of dread since payday. Since i knew that i had to wait for another month. The past few days had been excruciating. Work requests are getting worse. ...but now i am feeling oddly peaceful. I've accepted that the next payday will be the last. Accepted that now i will just offer my cooperation. I've put what i have currently at the back of my head and mind. I am just focusing on what's to come. That said, i have been researching the next few steps. Partly scared because there seems to be a lot of things to prepare for. Scared because i might not be able to proceed because of the various reasons. ...but i am also feeling somewhat excited at the possibilities that can happen. Starting to look forward with anticipation of what's next. I think with this newfound excitement, i can persevere through this last month. I hope nothing much more will happen in the current work.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. --- I should have already known. The signs were there. No letter for how much we are getting. No message from the supervisor. The payment is delayed. Another month of waiting. Yesterday was day 1 of another month of waiting and i am already feeling really depressed about it. Hopefully, it is just going to be 1 month of delay. Or else, this next 30 days is going to be a waste.

I am not a "kind" person...but nor am i "evil". I am just one of the many people who would perform acts of kindness every now and then. Especially when it is convenient to myself. Seldom going out of the way to do so. Acts of kindness performed in convenience is not true kindness. That's why i do consider myself not a "kind" person. However, push comes to a shove, i will often prefer to put myself in the tough spot over putting others on it. It's an easier burden to bear compared to the moral burden that would be the opposing choice. On that case, i do consider myself to be more altruistic than most. I am capable of making snap decisions that sacrifices myself over others if those are the only two choices. Good or bad. Kind or evil. Regardless of either intentions, acts of kindness still makes me feel nice. Sometimes, happy, even. ... ...which is why i guess i am really broken now. --- It was yesterday. Heavy rain in the morning. ...

Election in the country has passed. Nothing much changed for the ordinary countryman. Nothing as much as one would hope for, anyways. At the very heart of political affairs, the ordinary countryman has little to play or work with. It is like a very big board for chess but the ordinary people do not exactly make pawns themselves. It takes literal hundreds and thousands of people before they can form a movable pawn...and even then, they do not have the freedom of moving how they like. Pawns can only move forward, by the hands of the player. They can move diagonally when capturing...but in a game when no players bother with capturing, there's only the forward. Just like the flow of time. Just like the flow of life of the ordinary countryman. And we are back to the ordinary flow of how our life moves. In the middle of the pandemic. The new normal. --- I am three days away from the final, or second-to-final paycheck. This is the last stretch. Hopefully i will make the ...

Event horizon. The point at which an event will happen without fail. The point of no return. --- It's July. Been 3 months since i resurrect this blog and become more active in posting. Been 3 months since plotting and planning my resignation. We are finally at the month of recompense. The month of payout. I am counting down. Though, still deciding on whether to throw the letter at the start of the month or the day after getting the next pay. We'll see. The important thing is to get past this month first. --- Resignation is the first important step. ...but i cannot forget what comes next. Like i mentioned, i am single-minded in looking for an escape overseas. Maybe an adventure but i don't want it to just be a holiday getaway. Something longer. Something more permanent. The lockdown is slowly easing everywhere. It is about time i start seriously planning. It will be months of inactivity after the letter that i have to endure. But i have to. --- ...