This certainly feels like some kind of depression.
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"Marathoning", as i added quotation marks around the word because of the red squiggly line that appeared afterwards, through anime is not something i have done before.
In the past, when i strictly limited myself to just watching Gundam animes, i followed the release to a T, essentially only watching one episode weekly and left doing other things.
The past 3 weeks though, i had been blitzing through series after series. From the moment i wake up from my sleep, i'd start and it would carry on till the night, save for some breaks here and there for meals and toilet breaks.
In fact, the past week has been pretty much just watching animes since i had completed DOOM ETERNAL last week, which used to be a "taking a break" from anime thing for me. Although i have the new Resident Evil 3 Remake pre-ordered and released, i have not really felt like playing that.
My previous plan of playing through all versions of the Pokemon games i collected was also put on hold.
My desire to game is kind of a zero now, minus the daily mobile gaming that also took a drastic drop in the time i invest in them.
---
For a good amount of time, it felt like i was sedating myself with animes so that i don't have to pay attention to my surroundings anymore. Whether is it my current work, finding new employment, getting a companion, whatever the real world demands, basically.
In fact, in these 3 weeks, i am starting to understand why some people are so absorbed into anime to the point where, some of them can marry their anime "waifu (wife)" or outright denounced 3D girls, or human relationships.
Watching series after series, i found my feelings to be pretty much fluctuating high to low from moment to moment. I started to experience sensations that i don't ever, simply because those situations don't happen to me in real-life.
As my feelings and sensations changes through the series, the high and low was pretty addictive. Among the multitude of feelings i felt, i thought i found emotions that i liked. In association, whatever setting brought upon that emotion must be the setting i want to look for next, whether is it a job or a companion.
I feel like this pushed me into the boundary of escaping from reality. I am overwhelmed with countless of thoughts to just leave my current job.
At the same time, i'm also consistently thinking about "What the hell is going on now?"
"What's next in life for me even if i stay in my job?"
"What do i actually want to do in life?"
Thoughts like this swiveled and spiraled in my head daily, moment-to-moment.
If i can describe this, i would say that my sense of self is "broken".
I don't know what i wanted to do.
It's not like i used to know what i wanted to do though, even after getting this job. It is just that, i have reached the point when i can no longer just carry on with my life in this manner anymore and yet, i could not find out what is next for me.
Like my sense of self, my path is also broken.
---
"Marathoning", as i added quotation marks around the word because of the red squiggly line that appeared afterwards, through anime is not something i have done before.
In the past, when i strictly limited myself to just watching Gundam animes, i followed the release to a T, essentially only watching one episode weekly and left doing other things.
The past 3 weeks though, i had been blitzing through series after series. From the moment i wake up from my sleep, i'd start and it would carry on till the night, save for some breaks here and there for meals and toilet breaks.
In fact, the past week has been pretty much just watching animes since i had completed DOOM ETERNAL last week, which used to be a "taking a break" from anime thing for me. Although i have the new Resident Evil 3 Remake pre-ordered and released, i have not really felt like playing that.
My previous plan of playing through all versions of the Pokemon games i collected was also put on hold.
My desire to game is kind of a zero now, minus the daily mobile gaming that also took a drastic drop in the time i invest in them.
---
For a good amount of time, it felt like i was sedating myself with animes so that i don't have to pay attention to my surroundings anymore. Whether is it my current work, finding new employment, getting a companion, whatever the real world demands, basically.
In fact, in these 3 weeks, i am starting to understand why some people are so absorbed into anime to the point where, some of them can marry their anime "waifu (wife)" or outright denounced 3D girls, or human relationships.
Watching series after series, i found my feelings to be pretty much fluctuating high to low from moment to moment. I started to experience sensations that i don't ever, simply because those situations don't happen to me in real-life.
As my feelings and sensations changes through the series, the high and low was pretty addictive. Among the multitude of feelings i felt, i thought i found emotions that i liked. In association, whatever setting brought upon that emotion must be the setting i want to look for next, whether is it a job or a companion.
I feel like this pushed me into the boundary of escaping from reality. I am overwhelmed with countless of thoughts to just leave my current job.
At the same time, i'm also consistently thinking about "What the hell is going on now?"
"What's next in life for me even if i stay in my job?"
"What do i actually want to do in life?"
Thoughts like this swiveled and spiraled in my head daily, moment-to-moment.
If i can describe this, i would say that my sense of self is "broken".
I don't know what i wanted to do.
It's not like i used to know what i wanted to do though, even after getting this job. It is just that, i have reached the point when i can no longer just carry on with my life in this manner anymore and yet, i could not find out what is next for me.
Like my sense of self, my path is also broken.
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