Resolutions of Life

Eh. I finished Sakurasou no Pet Kanajo this morning. ...bad idea to watch a tear-jerker in the early morning. Cried. --- Then i continued to Amaama to Inazuma (Sweetness & Lightning). It's cute...but i cried every episode to the very end. Decided to read the manga to see if the ship sailed. Cried a bit too. It's weird how i focus on the relationship aspect even though it's something like Senko or Kobayashi's anime. ...but the author left it open-ended...so it's up to the reader's own imagination. I wished they were together...after being through all that. --- It is really easy to summon tears lately. Really easy. As i thought...my mental state is probably... ...somewhere between depression and dementia.

さくら荘のペットな彼女. The Pet Girl of Sakura-sou (Or Sakura mansion). I haven't really finished the anime. However, it is quite a emotional roller-coaster. Beneath the usual Romance x Comedy theme, lies a much more mature one. The idea of being crushed by someone with immense talent, the closer you stay with them. --- There was a time when someone like that exists. I happen to like that person. The fourth person in the sequence. C. Talent aside, she puts in so much hard work it was difficult for me to stay laid back. She shines so bright when she's trying her best that I couldn't help it but decided that i wanted to try and be hardworking too. I hope she's doing well. --- Back to the anime, i really wanted to find the light novel series even though there are tons and tons and tons of negative reviews to the events that happened after the anime. ...but i wanted closure. More important to me, though, was that the ending is what i want. Despite what the ...

Just a bit...but i did caught a glimpse of the path in front. --- As i previously said, my mind has been wondering about the overseas. Japan, specifically. Maybe it is because of the anime marathon but there are other reasons. Language-wise, i have the basics. Cost-of-living is also lower then western countries. So i'm thinking of going for lessons to up my Japanese after i dropped my current job. Be a student for a bit. At least, that'd mean that i won't be a NEET. Brushing up my Japanese proficiency will also help with my other hobbies too. Especially the case with my growing interest in light novels. I also have yet to really give up on teaching. If i really can't make the benchmark for the homeland, i guess i can try going overseas and teaching English. That's about the one thing i am glad with in Singapore - being bilingual already. 2 things to research - Japanese classes and TEFL certifications. The accommodations and travels can wait for a while...

Back to the crunch in some manner. Had to go to work today since i wasn't able to accomplish what i had to do back on Thursday. Might as well run through all of the depressing stuff today. ...but to be truthful the current situation about work is not bad. Short hours and i only have to bother when someone calls. However, getting to work and leaving is a nightmare with the mandatory mask wearing. --- It has been 4 weeks since i started the anime marathons. 4 weeks since i straight up stop caring about work. Actually i have stopped caring about work a long time ago. However, it didn't mean that i stop trying. I guess i meant to say that i have stopped trying. Stopped trying 4 weeks ago. Somewhere deep, deep inside my mind, i really believe that if we are not in the state of lockdown, i would have thrown the letter out and give up. I would have been jobless so i will drift for a bit but the hope was that i could have at least retain or regain some of my ...

Some light-hearted stuff today. --- Finally finished the Nisekoi manga. I was enamored with the plot during my anime marathons but the anime stopped somewhere in the middle of the manga. It has been 5 years since the last anime episode. What was i doing 5 years ago? The one thing i am in awe of is how i didn't bother when the chapters were done releasing. Great and wonderful ending. Before finishing, i found myself eager for a third or new season of the anime. Now, i think i am fine with it as it is. It also managed to bring tears to my eyes, contrary to what i think was possible. It lacks voice acting and moving animations to show for but some plot points are really so good that i was pretty close to crying. ...i am looking forward to the next manga series to read. Juliet of the Boarding School next? --- Tons of my package ordered before the lockdown arrived. First to come was the Fate Stay Night Heaven's Feel Blu-Ray side. The box for both were so well package...

Most of the time, what you are looking for is usually what someone already has. Most of the time, what that is often means nothing to them. --- If you can put two person against each other, or, try to formulate a way to differentiate between two person, i would think that the common answer would be something like: "Who is better between the two?" A way of immediate separation. The best method of letting people know of the differences between two person. You could take this up one level. "What makes the better person, better?" Then comes academical grades, financial prowess, intellectual capabilities and the list goes on. It would keep going as long as one party wants to prove themselves to be the better. All of this is probably normal when you compare. --- If i am to compare myself to others... I'd probably run myself into the ground before the other party even need to say a word. --- This came out worse than i thought...

These hands shall never hold anything dear. --- How long should a person try a particular endeavor before deciding that it is time to give up? Or maybe, in what circumstances should a person decide to finally give up on a dream? Or a goal? Or even if it is something short-termed? Does the length of how long someone tried matter? If you invested more time into making things work, does it mean you should keep at it until you finally succeed? Even if it means spending your entire life and succeeding only at your final moments? I am sure, for some, these are trivial questions. There are probably more people who are willing to keep at it until they fade away than to give up. Personally, i feel that it takes more courage to give up than to relentlessly focus on dreams. The idea of an impossible dream, that effort and time may someday make it possible, is a romantic and noble idea. However, i feel that it also means that one will never try to make things work from other perspe...

The next steps. --- There were some really dark moments i felt sometimes when i report to work. While i was working on my tasks, thoughts emerged and stayed on the surface. "Leave." "What am i even doing here?" Sometimes these thoughts were instantaneously gone. Sometimes, for the morning. Worst, it persisted for the entire day at work. I've become a much more negative person at work. Whilst i don't lash out and keep it in me, there are moments, increasing moments, of me inserting poorly chosen words to stir up the situation and see work diverted. That was more than 18 months ago. I decided in 2018 that i wanted to leave. That was when i decided that i want to be a teacher. What i did not expect was repeated failures to gain entry. And so, from what i know i want to be, it became a job search for the next better thing. Compromise and compromise. Paycuts, scope of work mismatch, no progression prospects. I thought those were things i can compr...

同居人はひざ、時々、頭のうえ Literally translate to [My Roommate on my lap, sometimes, on my head]. A cat anime i watched about 3 weeks ago. In fact, i think it was the second anime i watched since the marathon started. Literally shows the life of a person being changed after getting a cat for the first half of the episode and usually the second replayed the first but with the cat being voiced, showing insight on what the cat was thinking. --- I think it was about 3 weeks ago too. On a Saturday. I went back to the office through the alternate route because of the cohorting. Had to jump a few loops and get keys to enter the designated workplace because no one else was working the Saturday. On my way into the reception, i heard a "Meooow". I looked around and thought nothing of it after finding nothing. Thought i was hallucinating, even. Stayed there for 2 hours before i left the place. "Meow". Again. There must be a cat. I looked upwards and found one above. It was...

Double post yesterday. Wasn't planning on it but had an encounter yesterday that made me wrote whatever i did. --- My addiction to anime continues. For some series, i felt so enamored to the plot and characters that i started to seek original sources that the anime adapted from. First one i wanted to collect is the Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru ( やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている ), shorted to Oregairu . Story-wise, it is really different from the average love comedy trope that most series in the Romance x School setting conforms to. Currently there are 2 seasons of anime which i completed watching in 2 days and a third season which will begin airing from 10 Apr onwards. I am still conflicted if i wanted to do a weekly catch-up or wait till its full release before viewing. Another thing that blows my mind is how season 3 took 5 years since season 2's end, considering the kind of cliffhanger ending it had. ...so, going for the original adaptation, the light nove...

Dear lady of the distant past, i wonder how do you do? I hope that everything is ok for you, though for me i can't say so too. --- Dear lady of the distant past, was it you i saw today? I secretly hope it is, if not it would mean i am hallucinating. --- Dear lady of the distant past, was it you i saw today? Back of my head, a second thought hope it is not you - for when you turned towards me, i turned my back towards you. --- Dear lady of the distant past, i wonder how do you do? If i did things a little different way back then, i wonder if i would be happy now... --- Dear lady of the distant past, Regardless of time, regardless of place, At my lowest points of life, My thoughts were always of you. ...so no matter what, no matter when, i'd always wish you eternal happiness.

Code Geass ended about 12 years ago. I must have finished the anime probably in 11 or 10 years ago. The ending was sad. I remember crying for a bit. ...so imagine that i found out today, though a random clip on YT because i was rummaging through random anime clips, that in the end Lelounch proposed to C.C. and they ended up being together. In the final scene, as tears welled up in C.C. eyes and her face blushed, so did mine. I am really happy about this. --- 10 years ago. If we visit 10 years ago, exact to the day, it would have been one more week to get enlisted in the army. The situation is not really different from now. Poor relations with the family, no idea of what the immediate future is going to be like. I remembered the cold march i had after reaching the island and leaving my family. I couldn't feel a thing. Actually, i think i might have been a bit happy. Some people around me were crying. Some were just plain sad. Not me. I was fine with it. Happy that ...

This certainly feels like some kind of depression. --- "Marathoning", as i added quotation marks around the word because of the red squiggly line that appeared afterwards, through anime is not something i have done before. In the past, when i strictly limited myself to just watching Gundam animes, i followed the release to a T, essentially only watching one episode weekly and left doing other things. The past 3 weeks though, i had been blitzing through series after series. From the moment i wake up from my sleep, i'd start and it would carry on till the night, save for some breaks here and there for meals and toilet breaks. In fact, the past week has been pretty much just watching animes since i had completed DOOM ETERNAL last week, which used to be a "taking a break" from anime thing for me. Although i have the new Resident Evil 3 Remake pre-ordered and released, i have not really felt like playing that. My previous plan of playing through all versi...

April Fool's day so take what i am going to say with a pinch of salt. Or not. Nah. No point in writing anything jokingly. --- Cohorting, or the split-team arrangement as some would call, has began 3 weeks ago. The idea is the isolation and preservation of a team's medical status by placing an air-gap between the two teams. In no scenario should any one from either team meet members of the opposite. This will ensure that in case someone from a team is down and needed to be isolated, contact tracing can be performed easier and that backup can be done while the other team is isolated. The difference in the teams' behaviour varies from ability to meet external vendors, meal times and locations as well as work location. All to ensure that no one will violate the split-team arrangement. The past fortnight was a trial that presents week-long settings for the teams. One team would work at home for a week while the other will go to either an alternate office or simply stay...