Resolutions of Life

So the year will end in about 50 minutes. 2019 has been a really, really terrible year for me. I have to admit some of the failings i've faced was due to my own unrealistic expectations but job hunting sucks. Despite landing a few offers, the cut was too great for me to bear. Even though from the start i said i was fine with the offer, when it does come through though, i start to wonder about what kind of compromise i have to make. Still trying to leave since, work's pretty much stale and people's expectations start to get insanely unfair. Welp, despite all the setbacks and failures, i can't be giving up leaving. I have to try further. May the year 2020 be the year i be free.

Right from where i ended my previous post. Right. Despair came. Maybe i deserve what is coming because i was already planning for my exit but now that there's no actual exit, i couldn't just up and leave. I started to hunt for jobs again. ...and it was actually a little nostalgic to what i felt about 3 years ago when i was jobless and sending resumes here and there. However, this time the response rate is considerably higher than i had back then. Perhaps it is because i am currently in the public sector or just better skills (Compared to back then when i can only claim to be good at data analysis, I am proficient in a sizable domain of IT, data analytics and visualization). So from May to this point i have been to quite a good number of interviews, from other government sectors to banks, in roles of data analyst to cybersecurity analyst. No good hits yet but i keep trying. I did decide to try for the teaching application again back in May. It was another 2 mo...

Maybe i should talk a bit about the event. It's a Bug Hunt programme. Basically, i play as a member of the blue team to defend my system against invading red team members. The event lasted for about 3 weeks and because of it, i have to stay longer at some of the days. The thing i felt about this event...is that it was rigged to be impregnable to be from the start. We are locking out attackers on the account-level privileges, denying them access because their "access cards" were not ready and we delay the process of card creation as much as possible. Needless to say, we came out on top and didn't really faced much threats. Nor were we found with any major findings or points of observation. Rigged i say. --- March and April was a bit more interested. My supervisor decided to spam me with random nonsensical requests that don't really belong in my work scope. So i just blocked him on communications and literally just ignored him. Towards the end of M...

...let's continue...January this year. --- The beginning of the year doesn't feel like the January when i just started work. Handing and taking over of work is still underway but my team is already preparing for that major event that was stipulated to be happening at the end of February. This was about when the last team meeting took place. Last as in, hasn't been one to this date in August. Some of my colleagues started to keep reporting back during weekends to solve vulnerabilities, patch their appliances and prepare for the event. Some refused and made excuses which caused some dispute...but those hadn't reach people from our end. More importantly for me, i started my application for gaining entry into NIE. Applied the day the application window opened in fact. Looking back now, i might have been too hopeful about my circumstances. Maybe i shouldn't have put all my eggs in that one single basket, too. --- February was more relaxed. Mainly becaus...

Looking back at the previous post, hoo boy, it's been a while. November till now would make it...about 9 months. So much has happened. So much. Let me try to put everything down in this post. Or a few posts coming. I should be scared that if i don't finish writing everything down, i might leave another few gaps, huh. ...but i think i am in the mental state to be writing down what has happened, and reflecting on it. So here we go. --- I didn't manage to write it down last time although it had already happen by October but my department had a major re-organisation of roles and tasks for mostly everyone not in the higher management tier. The general consensus of the re-org, how it was done and the result of it, is larger negative. A lot of people are affected quite badly. ...and my team pretty much took the worst kind of damage. The "leader" position was handed to a person widely believed to be the worst kind of person you'll ever want to work wit...