Resolutions of Life

...i can't be sure of what i was expecting, really. To be expecting some kind of...emotion? Or maybe even some kind of silly happiness: The kind you feel after finding an old friend randomly down the street. Anyways, i was probably foolish in expecting any kind of anything after a year of silence. Funny, because i used to be crazy about you. Absolutely crazy about you. Now, i feel...nothing. Nothing at all...and it's little scary. Exactly a year ago i wished you the same wish...but i did not dare say more. What more should i pursue when i am a man with nothing? What right have i? Today, the same words...but more. Because i am a little more capable of handling things, handling life now. ...and you're still the expert conversation killer as in the past...actually i kind of doubt you still remember who i am...and that's all the cue i needed to know that it is time to leave. Thank you for being there during university - It was a lot...

...and it is already the 4th day of the break. The last day. Tomorrow i need to go back to work. I haven't really done anything at home. Why do breaks last so short?

"...but i won't cry for yesterday. There's an ordinary world. Somehow i have to find. ...and as i try to make my way To the ordinary world. I will learn to survive." --- I am loving this song remix for The Evil Within 2 E3 trailer.

The long weekend is finally here. Well, actually the first day is already over. Been really, really busy with getting my VM ready these past weeks. So many walls hit... ...but i gotta press on. --- It's going to be Milady 's birthday in a week. I thought about sending her my regards... ... but if she is as i knew her, i won't have to expect an answer . --- Steam sale is here. My wallet is evaporating. Get it?

I had a dream two or three nights ago. It was about a lady. Codename: Her . It was about getting to talk and go out with her again. I can't remember how it started but it was just a sudden thing that her friend started to talk to me and somehow i just got into the conversation with her again. You know, in reality, if this happened i wouldn't have bothered...but when i woke up i can still feel the disappointment of it being just a dream. Have i truly let go? Funny because earlier in that evening i was just discussing about her with someone else. How much time i've spent. Ridiculous . --- ...and then yesterday, i bumped in another lady of my life. Well, used to be. Codename: She . Honestly, those were the earlier part of life when i was a jackass of a kid and can't really remember much of things. Still, i did have some positive feelings for she . The thing about yesterday was, even when it has been so long and she's away from the country for ...

I have been really exhausted recently. No, i am still going home on time. As per normal. But i have to say that doing the project i am assigned is starting to get to me. I spent the whole of today just getting a system ready. And i ain't even near done getting it ready. Starting to feel real annoyed at certain processes too. Ah. Need more coffee.

It was like some wall above my head broke and crashed, hitting me with every brick along with what it had been guarding me against. Suddenly, i became really busy. Not that i dislike it. Just thought i could use a little breather every now and then. --- Worse is that there are people looking for me for help. Weird how i didn't realise i've become important in the team.

Been a while. --- In-camp training ended 2 weeks ago. I have to say although at the start i disliked it, i slowly grow to enjoy my days in camp (especially when i have a room of my own). There are still people who cared...and i know that sometimes i won't let things be out of my control too. If i am able to help, i would. --- Returning to work after that proved a little challenging. I couldn't really get used to it but it's been 2 weeks since and i'm back in the vibe of work. It's just that when i returned, half of my account were locked and i couldn't do any real work. Took a week to really undo all of them and get in. Boss came by at the end of the week and made small talk. Told me that i still looked quite free even after 2 weeks of absence. Well, it IS the end of the week when i've cleared most of what i should have cleared. This week was team-building. Took a blow to my face with a badminton racket and then another to the head with a shu...