Resolutions of Life

The year will end in about 2 hours. Hard to believe i've been working for a full year. There are some things i am looking to improve next week. Obviously the top item off the list is to limit my expenditure on gaming. Looking back, this is the worst thing i've been spending on this year. ...although i might argue i'd have no other place to spend on. Don't really have much else to comment on now. Yeah, working life is hectic. ...but so boring at the same time.

Haven't been feeling like going to work recently. Maybe it's because of the festive season. That and work has become real busy recently. Also, 1 year anniversary at work the coming Monday. Never thought i'd stay for a year but hey. Here i am.

Hey. Been a while. We are already into the last month of 2017 and this would been i'm approaching 1-year work anniversary soon. Recently i have been really restless about work. Politics. And it's among people i'd never have imagined to be at each other's throats. But whatever. It's not like i have a choice of staying or leaving anyway. At least i have this month's big and fat paycheck to be happy with. Funny...funny how the thing that cheers me up is money . What a damn change i'd never seen myself commit. --- Speaking of change, so is my attitude to everyone at work recently. As i learn more and become more competent, i find myself being able to tolerate less and less nonsense. This of course does not mean i'm tearing other people apart. But the thought comes and goes. Eh. --- Lots of people passing away recently. I wonder why. --- Eh. Thought i let things go. But really deep down inside, i still want it now. Eh.

Hit a wall at work. Don't really have a good idea to solve it...but the people i know i will need help with are always busy. --- Bought The Evil Within 2 last week and beat it today. It's real satisfying.

Ho. Been a while. Getting really, really busy with work. Nowadays when i am at home after work, i just slipped the earphones on and listened to music until it's time to sleep. --- Yesterday was a Halloween event at the company. Helped out with the other teams in order. Nothing really much was extraordinary. Eh.

Family Day was yesterday. Went to Resorts World Sentosa to help out. I was an usher so i stood around the crowded area to guide people in. I am pretty sure a lot of people took me as an attraction. Went there to took some pictures. Man, i missed my time as a photographer.

Already in the month of September. --- Been thinking about...things. Eh, mostly about relationships. You know, it's just that from the Valentine's Day this year, the urge of getting into a relationship is getting stronger and stronger and not subsiding. I've tried my hand with several dating apps but i couldn't last with them because i feel that it's very superficial. A lot of people, colleagues mainly, are telling me that i need to be brave and just approach ladies i am interested in...but i feel that from where i work, the effects of failing may be too severe. I am challenging myself. To break out of singlehood before the end of this year. That's less than 120 days. I gotta think of how to get out of singlehood.

This week passed fast. Probably because i was really enjoying it. I had the SCCM course and it was pretty good. Good hours, nice place to eat lunch, lots of ladies to look at. Eh. --- The conference that was stipulated to take place next week is postponed indefinitely. Eh. --- Eh. Don't look forward to going back to office on Monday.

Heh, National Day is over. --- I felt oddly depressed today. I'd like to say that i haven't got a clue why but i know why. Firstly, recently i've been feeling like i am being used like a...eh, search engine. Also as a venting pillow. It gets annoying real quick when a friend keeps asking questions that can just be on the net. Real. Stupid. Questions. This happened after the Sunday episode when i spent almost an hour troubleshooting his issue with his computer only to found out that it's a non-issue (He asked why he cannot game without a GPU and tried to 'lower the heat' so that he can play on integrated graphics card). I was so bloody mad but didn't say anything to express my unhappiness. --- Then there was the ex-tuition student. Who is suicidal. Which is a real hot potato. I do not want to deal with this. ...but i know that if i don't even talk to her, things might happen. And i don't want things to happen. Eh. --- I also ...

EH. Been some time. --- Got through that nonsense group interview. Got a real loud person who's ex-military in my group. Actually tried to assist me when i was arrowed to talk. Maybe because i kept quiet the entire time. Guessed everyone thought i am trying to snake my way through this. Pffft. When do kings charge in front of the army? --- That was 2 weeks ago. This past week is nonsense too. Hitting walls that can only be taken down by others is real annoying since i am not the waiting type. Need to find a way to brute force through this nonsense. --- National Day is next week. Ain't got a clue yet if i want to take an additional day of leave so that i can make it a super-long weekend. No idea yet.

It has been a pretty stressful week. Starting off the week with normal work, i finally managed to got most of the problem of syncing SCCM and WSUS of my virtual machine off. Turns out to be a problem of ports not reporting correctly. Just needed to adjust port number for the 2 components to communicate properly. I have also obtained the correct type of cabinet file for WSUSUtil.exe to import the updates correctly. On Tuesday i took 2 syncs, which lasted 4 hours straight. On Wednesday morning, the updates were in and SCCM can finally see the updates in it's Software Updates library. Now it is just a matter of uploading the content into my virtual machine and attempting to push a patch to a target. --- Speaking of Wednesday, that was the start of the Hackathon that was supposed to happen 2 months ago. It is hard to be describing the event in full details. All i can really remember was the stress and lack of sleep. I can at least describe yesterday: Our pitching day. ---...

Huh. It's been a week since i wrote that post with not much of a context. ...but i still do not feel like explaining it yet. Maybe some other time. --- Other than that, all i can say is i've been hitting walls after walls at work. ...but next week is hay day! I mean pay day! Yay~

...i can't be sure of what i was expecting, really. To be expecting some kind of...emotion? Or maybe even some kind of silly happiness: The kind you feel after finding an old friend randomly down the street. Anyways, i was probably foolish in expecting any kind of anything after a year of silence. Funny, because i used to be crazy about you. Absolutely crazy about you. Now, i feel...nothing. Nothing at all...and it's little scary. Exactly a year ago i wished you the same wish...but i did not dare say more. What more should i pursue when i am a man with nothing? What right have i? Today, the same words...but more. Because i am a little more capable of handling things, handling life now. ...and you're still the expert conversation killer as in the past...actually i kind of doubt you still remember who i am...and that's all the cue i needed to know that it is time to leave. Thank you for being there during university - It was a lot...

...and it is already the 4th day of the break. The last day. Tomorrow i need to go back to work. I haven't really done anything at home. Why do breaks last so short?

"...but i won't cry for yesterday. There's an ordinary world. Somehow i have to find. ...and as i try to make my way To the ordinary world. I will learn to survive." --- I am loving this song remix for The Evil Within 2 E3 trailer.

The long weekend is finally here. Well, actually the first day is already over. Been really, really busy with getting my VM ready these past weeks. So many walls hit... ...but i gotta press on. --- It's going to be Milady 's birthday in a week. I thought about sending her my regards... ... but if she is as i knew her, i won't have to expect an answer . --- Steam sale is here. My wallet is evaporating. Get it?

I had a dream two or three nights ago. It was about a lady. Codename: Her . It was about getting to talk and go out with her again. I can't remember how it started but it was just a sudden thing that her friend started to talk to me and somehow i just got into the conversation with her again. You know, in reality, if this happened i wouldn't have bothered...but when i woke up i can still feel the disappointment of it being just a dream. Have i truly let go? Funny because earlier in that evening i was just discussing about her with someone else. How much time i've spent. Ridiculous . --- ...and then yesterday, i bumped in another lady of my life. Well, used to be. Codename: She . Honestly, those were the earlier part of life when i was a jackass of a kid and can't really remember much of things. Still, i did have some positive feelings for she . The thing about yesterday was, even when it has been so long and she's away from the country for ...

I have been really exhausted recently. No, i am still going home on time. As per normal. But i have to say that doing the project i am assigned is starting to get to me. I spent the whole of today just getting a system ready. And i ain't even near done getting it ready. Starting to feel real annoyed at certain processes too. Ah. Need more coffee.

It was like some wall above my head broke and crashed, hitting me with every brick along with what it had been guarding me against. Suddenly, i became really busy. Not that i dislike it. Just thought i could use a little breather every now and then. --- Worse is that there are people looking for me for help. Weird how i didn't realise i've become important in the team.

Been a while. --- In-camp training ended 2 weeks ago. I have to say although at the start i disliked it, i slowly grow to enjoy my days in camp (especially when i have a room of my own). There are still people who cared...and i know that sometimes i won't let things be out of my control too. If i am able to help, i would. --- Returning to work after that proved a little challenging. I couldn't really get used to it but it's been 2 weeks since and i'm back in the vibe of work. It's just that when i returned, half of my account were locked and i couldn't do any real work. Took a week to really undo all of them and get in. Boss came by at the end of the week and made small talk. Told me that i still looked quite free even after 2 weeks of absence. Well, it IS the end of the week when i've cleared most of what i should have cleared. This week was team-building. Took a blow to my face with a badminton racket and then another to the head with a shu...

...so in-camp training has started and i am detesting it more than ever. Absolutely cannot understand everyone who treats it as a "vacation" from their work. I mostly dislike the fact that i am being commanded to do this and that. Would be fine if the attitude of the people asking for help is better than what i am experiencing.

...been about 2 weeks? Went ahead and bought a few booster boxes on the latest YGO releases. It was for fun times sake. Took it to Wei Jun's house and had a little competition on who can 'feel' the foils in a box. I lost 1 to 2. It was fun though. Pretending to know what we were doing. Played some board games too. Pretty cool. --- Also, over the past few weeks i was given a project to tackle. Gave the presentation this past week. Had a great discussion but needed to follow up on the details. ...but i feel great. Also had the chance to participate in the courses for the Hackathon. It's a real pain to bring my laptop to the workplace though. --- The next couple week will be really busy...what with the preparation for the next course and the ICT coming up. Let's prepare.

I get the feeling of being overwhelmed pretty frequently in the recent week. Whether is it in terms of work, or in other activities such as company events. Busy busy busy. ...but i feel so alive.

The course has officially ended. Back into the office. Onto my seat. I have to say that i am already enjoying myself much more even with the lack of ladies around me.

Who can really tell me that i know what i wanted when i chose to join? Myself. Who can really tell me that i am liking or disliking what i am currently doing? Me. ...so it feels weird that i was struck verbally twice today by superiors. The first, more senior guy, said that i should not join because i "had no other choice". That would have represented the doom of the organization. I really, really wanted to shout and just ask him if he had been jobless for 6 months in the recent years, with a non-specialized degree. I really do...but i would lose my job in an instant. At least, that's my guess of what would happen. The later part of the day sees a lady questioning what i said about why i chose the place to work in. My answer was more of a joke, that the place chose me, rather than it being a choice of mine. The lady claimed that she's worried for people like me...and i was the only one that was outstanding in a bad way. Again, i felt like i was being...

The course had started where a bunch of newly-hired people get together and learn about the service. So far the highlights were from the team building event held in the eastern part of the country. It really means that the return trip was particularly painful and took me about 1 hours before i got home. I didn't really do much on the first day of the event. Kind of regretted not participating in the activities since it honestly looked fun. Did more in the second day. Running, building and in a team. It was fun. I have to wonder though, if i can really keep up with the friendship for the next week. Time will tell.

I am beginning to take up more duties at work...but still not enough. It really sucks to be the bottom feeder of a team. It's not a position that i'm comfortable or used to. Unfortunately because i have no experience or prior knowledge of what i am doing, i am reduced to this state. I hope to do more. --- By a small twist of fate, my participation in courses has been brought forward. For the next fortnight, i will be having courses. Hopefully, i get to know more people that lasts.

I have this strange happy, fuzzy feeling when i watch shows with some corny romance scenarios. Or if it's just reading mangas with similar kind of romance. Maybe it's because i've never really experienced such lovey-dovey feelings myself...so i should feel jealousy instead? But i feel happy. For the characters in the stories. For people who don't really exist. If i am to look at myself, i really cannot see a future where i would be in similar scenario. I am in a really...lazy scenario where i really want to have a partner but i don't really want to go through a process of dating. ...and as i look at my age...heh. I am in such a big predicament.

I am still getting the same crappy feeling i always have for every Valentine's day. Not helping that i broke off contact with the lady from the past. Work's still slow...but i am slowly doing more. I just hope that i have enough to say for the upcoming evaluation.

Hey. So it's Chinese New Year now and i am home alone. Still kind of scary sometimes. --- Work picked up and i am starting to learn a lot of technical stuff. That was after the meeting with the assistant director who wanted to talk to all new hires. I'm guessing it will get busy pretty soon. Not going to complain about it. --- Been whaling pretty hard on Record Keeper. Still couldn't get what i want though.

It's been 3 weeks into the new year. Pace at work have yet to be picking up. Although i've had a chance at doing one project about a recent electronics show. Did great. Will be learning new stuff starting next week. I can't wait to start working proper. ...but Chinese New Year will arrive first.