I wanted to write this today, but i'm quite busy and had to write this at night. I decided to do it now, because tomorrow's the last day of 2010 and i wanted to do my reflections/resolutions post tomorrow (I'm sticking to 1-post-a-day).
I guess you could say that today is a...turning point. Something like that.
I met her today. Or more like, she asked me out.
It's just for something simple as passing an item to her, a game in fact.
I think speaking around in circles like this doesn't help. Let me compose my thoughts and write everything down in an organised and chronically sound way.
---
It started 2 days ago, 28 Dec 10.
I saw her adding some pages to her favourites on Facebook, some of it including games that i played. I talked to her about it and she raised to me that she had a malfunctioning disc. Now, being the friend i am to a lot of my friends (Woah), i suggested to her that i could lend her my copy since i also have it.
We sealed the meeting yesterday night, and agreed to meet today morning at 0820hrs.
Being the 'gentleman' i am (After all this is the girl i like), i arrived ten minutes earlier at 0810hrs. Spent some time playing my ipod as i soon received a message from her that she would be late.
I got that message around 0815hrs. I thought nothing of it and so i continued waiting.
At around 0825hrs, i got another message asking if i am awake and that if i'm not, i don't have to meet. I replied saying that i was there since 0810hrs. Very quickly, a reply came saying that she'll be on the way as fast as she can, and that she was slower because i did not reply to her first message, giving her the intention that i am in fact still asleep.
Ok, i swallowed that. Continued playing my ipod till 0845hrs...
There she is. My first visual contact since early 2007 with her.
She came tapping my shoulders, and as my sight shifted from my ipod to her, my feelings at the moment are as scattered as this:
25% happy: In that i really want to see her again
25% annoyed: Never liked latecomers
25% confused: Till now i didn't know what hit me back then.
25% scared: I thought i saw a ghost...really.
It's not that her looks became bad or something, but the amount of make-up she put on is...horrendous. I could not find another appropriate word to describe as of now, but what i'm trying to convey is just, scary? Really, i cannot believe that make-up, cosmetics can change her looks so much that i could barely recognise her.
I couldn't smile. I could not bring myself to smile at ALL. I have no idea why but i JUST COULD NOT!
Despite all that confusion, i understood that she's rushing for time and all i could remember saying in that little rendezvous is: "I think you should go if you want to make it in time."
Seriously!
Made some quick military slang but obviously she did not get it, i didn't try to explain since she's short on time. I just bid her farewell.
All those percentage above could not describe better than this: That i am just 100% speechless.
---
However...HOWEVER, i pretty much made some observations. Observations along with some analysis and whatnots.
Years ago, i viewed her as a higher level person as i am. She's not talented but she's hardworking, she relies on her friends and vice versa. Someone i truly believe that i would be happy with. Her seat was somewhere so high, that not even my imagination of 'Heaven' could reach.
Today, the tables have turned. Or so it seemed to me. I desperately tried to improve myself so that i can catch a glimpse of her seat, and it just seemed like her seat stopped rising. It remained on the same spot. I rose and rose, till my level is higher.
I understand that people reading this will probably think that i'm talking rubbish. After all, i myself wouldn't just buy a story of a person saying how he/she's better. Well, take note that i'm saying this, that the above is as i see. AS I SEE. Meaning to say, i don't have that inferior feeling when i'm dealing with her like in the past. I would stutter a little in the past, but i wouldn't now.
I've become better. Already.
This sudden...'confidence'...had kind of got me thinking. Should i continue waiting? Should i just give up and go for better candidates instead? I'm in a serious dilemma. I don't want to know that i've devoted 4 years to her for nothing and giving up, yet i don't know if i should advance considering things being like this today.
Oh well, no point pondering. For this once, i'll let nature take its course, even if this seemed to me like a big joke played on me by God.
I guess you could say that today is a...turning point. Something like that.
I met her today. Or more like, she asked me out.
It's just for something simple as passing an item to her, a game in fact.
I think speaking around in circles like this doesn't help. Let me compose my thoughts and write everything down in an organised and chronically sound way.
---
It started 2 days ago, 28 Dec 10.
I saw her adding some pages to her favourites on Facebook, some of it including games that i played. I talked to her about it and she raised to me that she had a malfunctioning disc. Now, being the friend i am to a lot of my friends (Woah), i suggested to her that i could lend her my copy since i also have it.
We sealed the meeting yesterday night, and agreed to meet today morning at 0820hrs.
Being the 'gentleman' i am (After all this is the girl i like), i arrived ten minutes earlier at 0810hrs. Spent some time playing my ipod as i soon received a message from her that she would be late.
I got that message around 0815hrs. I thought nothing of it and so i continued waiting.
At around 0825hrs, i got another message asking if i am awake and that if i'm not, i don't have to meet. I replied saying that i was there since 0810hrs. Very quickly, a reply came saying that she'll be on the way as fast as she can, and that she was slower because i did not reply to her first message, giving her the intention that i am in fact still asleep.
Ok, i swallowed that. Continued playing my ipod till 0845hrs...
There she is. My first visual contact since early 2007 with her.
She came tapping my shoulders, and as my sight shifted from my ipod to her, my feelings at the moment are as scattered as this:
25% happy: In that i really want to see her again
25% annoyed: Never liked latecomers
25% confused: Till now i didn't know what hit me back then.
25% scared: I thought i saw a ghost...really.
It's not that her looks became bad or something, but the amount of make-up she put on is...horrendous. I could not find another appropriate word to describe as of now, but what i'm trying to convey is just, scary? Really, i cannot believe that make-up, cosmetics can change her looks so much that i could barely recognise her.
I couldn't smile. I could not bring myself to smile at ALL. I have no idea why but i JUST COULD NOT!
Despite all that confusion, i understood that she's rushing for time and all i could remember saying in that little rendezvous is: "I think you should go if you want to make it in time."
Seriously!
Made some quick military slang but obviously she did not get it, i didn't try to explain since she's short on time. I just bid her farewell.
All those percentage above could not describe better than this: That i am just 100% speechless.
---
However...HOWEVER, i pretty much made some observations. Observations along with some analysis and whatnots.
Years ago, i viewed her as a higher level person as i am. She's not talented but she's hardworking, she relies on her friends and vice versa. Someone i truly believe that i would be happy with. Her seat was somewhere so high, that not even my imagination of 'Heaven' could reach.
Today, the tables have turned. Or so it seemed to me. I desperately tried to improve myself so that i can catch a glimpse of her seat, and it just seemed like her seat stopped rising. It remained on the same spot. I rose and rose, till my level is higher.
I understand that people reading this will probably think that i'm talking rubbish. After all, i myself wouldn't just buy a story of a person saying how he/she's better. Well, take note that i'm saying this, that the above is as i see. AS I SEE. Meaning to say, i don't have that inferior feeling when i'm dealing with her like in the past. I would stutter a little in the past, but i wouldn't now.
I've become better. Already.
This sudden...'confidence'...had kind of got me thinking. Should i continue waiting? Should i just give up and go for better candidates instead? I'm in a serious dilemma. I don't want to know that i've devoted 4 years to her for nothing and giving up, yet i don't know if i should advance considering things being like this today.
Oh well, no point pondering. For this once, i'll let nature take its course, even if this seemed to me like a big joke played on me by God.
Comments