...
"...because it wasn't just new for you guys. I was also here for my first year back then in 2007. It was not just a new environment for you, but also for me as a teacher. Sorry if i make this sound personal, but i just couldn't..."
*sniffs...and wipe tears.
"...Alright everyone. We have come to the end of this prom tea session. I hope that after this, you will be more motivated to study hard for your 'A' levels and achieve what you can. Don't be afraid of reaching out to your dreams, just like i did."
That she was, my GP teacher, making a really heart-felt speech on the stage. It was the end of the prom tea session. The end of our lives in MI...but the battle had barely begun.
Mr C was sitting beside me at the same table. Along with Fathi, Haining and Hui Ying. The three of them took off and interact with the others, something normal to do. It was literally the last time for people to have laughs and joke around with the others. Me? Well, i'm also trying to imitate...or should i say it has become my natural habit. I just sat on the table, having my drink and watching the others. Mr C started to ask:
"Are you going to go back to school for consultation?"
A little stunned from his words, i replied:
"Yeah, why not?"
His expression showed his surprise...and he continued to say:
"Why? You're one of the top students. Why do you think you still need to study harder when others don't think so?"
He looked back into the crowds, now noisy and cramped all around. They looked really free of worries, as though they no longer have exams, and are free to go anywhere they want.
I hesitate about answering. Flashbacks of my lousy mid-year exams, my H1 elective results release and my Year 2 Promo exam results raced through my mind.
"Yeah. I'm still worried. You know, i feel that our Prelim 2 papers are sub-standard. They are not really representative of the 'A' levels. Mr P himself said that Maths paper was easier than 'A' level paper should be. To top it off, we are facing the best out there, who do harder papers. How are we even going to fight?"
Mr C just nodded, with an expression i couldn't really decipher.
"Alright, i'm going to go get some drinks."
...and he walked off. I continued sitting there as though something is going to happen...which it did.
The principal himself came towards me.
To show my respect, i stood up as fast as i can. I bow and greeted the principal.
"Congratulations on being the top few students. I hope that you will improve and achieve better results for the coming exams."
He put out his hand. The principal himself offered me a handshake!
I took his hand, and thought a reply meanwhile. Thousands and thousands of neurons rushed through my brain, i felt mixed emotions. Happiness, honour, nervous, etc. I'm really afraid that i can't meet the expectations of people, and they are really high and crushing me. But can you really blame them? It is the only way, really, to the kind of life i have. I have that really annoying "God-like" personality, hidden within me, ready to lash out at those trash. I wanted power and wealth, and i'm not going to try the unorthodox way to get them. I wanted authority, people who would listen and consider my views, and i refuse to bribe people into listening. That was when it became clear, that i wanted "IT".
"Yes sir. I'll try my best and make the teachers and the school proud." I replied, with a firm hand shake.
...
---
...that was last year, October 23rd.
A person bumped into me, bringing me back to the reality of the present. I tried to recover from those thoughts and remember where i am.
Oh yeah, i'm at the NTU Talk at Suntec City Convention Centre today. Then my next thought...
"Where's Weijun?"
The place was horrendously packed. I seriously wasn't expecting that much of a crowd there.
Again, i fee the need to put things in perspective, in this case, "Crowded". Think of packed sardines...they are squeezed in really tight, right?
Now squeeze another can's worth of sardine in it. That's how "Crowded" the place is.
Anyway, i quickly rushed to a corner but really am impeded by that lot of people. Then Weijun called. We met at the entrance again and continued looking around.
The talk today really hammered a point into me. The results released on next friday will really determine my life from then. If i have good grades, i have a lot of options to choose from. If not, i have really limited options, and am very likely forced into something i don't like.
Now, i'll assume i can go into any course i want. I'm trapped between 2 choices, either pursuing a degree first before going into the line of teaching, or aim for the degree for teaching straight. I have no idea which is better, but i'll find out myself.
Alright, i started typing 40 minutes ago, but it ain't exactly easy to put my thoughts into words. Alright, time to go. Laters.
---
"I'm scared, but i have not lost my cool."
"...because it wasn't just new for you guys. I was also here for my first year back then in 2007. It was not just a new environment for you, but also for me as a teacher. Sorry if i make this sound personal, but i just couldn't..."
*sniffs...and wipe tears.
"...Alright everyone. We have come to the end of this prom tea session. I hope that after this, you will be more motivated to study hard for your 'A' levels and achieve what you can. Don't be afraid of reaching out to your dreams, just like i did."
That she was, my GP teacher, making a really heart-felt speech on the stage. It was the end of the prom tea session. The end of our lives in MI...but the battle had barely begun.
Mr C was sitting beside me at the same table. Along with Fathi, Haining and Hui Ying. The three of them took off and interact with the others, something normal to do. It was literally the last time for people to have laughs and joke around with the others. Me? Well, i'm also trying to imitate...or should i say it has become my natural habit. I just sat on the table, having my drink and watching the others. Mr C started to ask:
"Are you going to go back to school for consultation?"
A little stunned from his words, i replied:
"Yeah, why not?"
His expression showed his surprise...and he continued to say:
"Why? You're one of the top students. Why do you think you still need to study harder when others don't think so?"
He looked back into the crowds, now noisy and cramped all around. They looked really free of worries, as though they no longer have exams, and are free to go anywhere they want.
I hesitate about answering. Flashbacks of my lousy mid-year exams, my H1 elective results release and my Year 2 Promo exam results raced through my mind.
"Yeah. I'm still worried. You know, i feel that our Prelim 2 papers are sub-standard. They are not really representative of the 'A' levels. Mr P himself said that Maths paper was easier than 'A' level paper should be. To top it off, we are facing the best out there, who do harder papers. How are we even going to fight?"
Mr C just nodded, with an expression i couldn't really decipher.
"Alright, i'm going to go get some drinks."
...and he walked off. I continued sitting there as though something is going to happen...which it did.
The principal himself came towards me.
To show my respect, i stood up as fast as i can. I bow and greeted the principal.
"Congratulations on being the top few students. I hope that you will improve and achieve better results for the coming exams."
He put out his hand. The principal himself offered me a handshake!
I took his hand, and thought a reply meanwhile. Thousands and thousands of neurons rushed through my brain, i felt mixed emotions. Happiness, honour, nervous, etc. I'm really afraid that i can't meet the expectations of people, and they are really high and crushing me. But can you really blame them? It is the only way, really, to the kind of life i have. I have that really annoying "God-like" personality, hidden within me, ready to lash out at those trash. I wanted power and wealth, and i'm not going to try the unorthodox way to get them. I wanted authority, people who would listen and consider my views, and i refuse to bribe people into listening. That was when it became clear, that i wanted "IT".
"Yes sir. I'll try my best and make the teachers and the school proud." I replied, with a firm hand shake.
...
---
...that was last year, October 23rd.
A person bumped into me, bringing me back to the reality of the present. I tried to recover from those thoughts and remember where i am.
Oh yeah, i'm at the NTU Talk at Suntec City Convention Centre today. Then my next thought...
"Where's Weijun?"
The place was horrendously packed. I seriously wasn't expecting that much of a crowd there.
Again, i fee the need to put things in perspective, in this case, "Crowded". Think of packed sardines...they are squeezed in really tight, right?
Now squeeze another can's worth of sardine in it. That's how "Crowded" the place is.
Anyway, i quickly rushed to a corner but really am impeded by that lot of people. Then Weijun called. We met at the entrance again and continued looking around.
The talk today really hammered a point into me. The results released on next friday will really determine my life from then. If i have good grades, i have a lot of options to choose from. If not, i have really limited options, and am very likely forced into something i don't like.
Now, i'll assume i can go into any course i want. I'm trapped between 2 choices, either pursuing a degree first before going into the line of teaching, or aim for the degree for teaching straight. I have no idea which is better, but i'll find out myself.
Alright, i started typing 40 minutes ago, but it ain't exactly easy to put my thoughts into words. Alright, time to go. Laters.
---
"I'm scared, but i have not lost my cool."
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