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Well, back for more already. This time on a heavier note.

I've been nominated by my school, for a National University of Singapore Scholarship.

I'm not too sure how should i feel. My parents are surprised and pleasant about it, but i, myself, felt that it is overkill. All things said now is too early. I'm not feeling really confident about my exams...at least, not a "Straight A's" feeling because of some messing-ups. Then all these university invitations and scholarships what-nots just keeps coming and coming, almost expecting me to get a really superb score, based on my preliminary.

I once, heard from a teacher during maths lesson, that the A Levels exams, mmm? They aren't really representative of a student's performance because it's a one time examination. The teacher, Mr. P, further said that this is why some countries still refuse to take up the Cambridge examinations, despite its authenticity and reputation, as they believe a student's performance has to be consistent and hence they hold examinations on an interval basis to follow-up on each students.

This is one of those times i feel that it's true.

Sure, in school i don't always end up smelling like roses, but something about this examination really bothers me. I have that "Unfair" feeling rupturing within me. Like, again i stress, mathematics. Maybe i'm in over my head, but in my opinion, a straight comparison for this year's paper with the previous 2-3 years showed that we are having a harder paper. There's little doubt about it. I'll state that this does not mean that i'm gonna fail it. It just gave me doubts on securing my A, hence my score floats in the B and A region.

Back to the topic that i start, what is going to happen if i don't score as well in my examinations? A lot of people looks upon me as a target, as someone who is definitely going to achieve something in this exam, WHEN i, myself, have rather little confidence in. Then now all these praises and stuff comes shoving in my life...the pressure i felt is really tremendous.

Call it under-achieving or whatever you like. Yet at the end of the day, even if i did not get anything or any recognition for my grades, i just need to know that i have not let myself down.

Right now i am just going to enjoy the days as they come, as Horace said:

"Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero"

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