Resolutions of Life

As promised, here is my post for the last day of 2009. Let's start with the serious business first, the review of this year for me. 2009 is a rather major year for me, as i'm taking all of the remaining A level papers. Yet i did not choose to have a good start. I started the year being really...lazy and somewhat irresponsible. I skipped school several times for no apparent reason...maybe just to game, but it's not reason enough. Eventually i snapped out of that phase and stay focused after Term 1. Then came the mid-year prelim examinations, which i don't give heck and continued my gaming spree despite the exams going on. Hence, there is no surprise i got results that became my worst performance ever. For the first time since 2 years ago, my name was removed from the ranking board. To make things worst, it's people i felt that they cannot make it, makes it to the board. I felt really threatened and maybe, just maybe, a little scared. Unlike what i looked on the surfa...

Well, i didn't expect this post as much as i expect the dream...or should i say, nightmare i have last night. I dreamed that i'm receiving my A level results. We were in a classroom with just people from my class, then a teacher we don't know starts to announce names of top students. 5 names were announced and i'm not one of them. What's worse is...the people for top 5 actually made sense! It's entirely possible they can be top 5 for class, though there were better candidates. This nightmare is going to bite me for months...till the release of the results.

Right, before today ends, i'd like to wish all of you out there looking at this (At the same time, also to those NOT looking at this) a very Merry Christmas. I don't have much to say except words that are unneccessary, like "Enjoy!". Well, look out for my 'Last Day of the Year' post/ I'll review this year as a whole, as well as my resolutions for next year. See you. Real soon.

Oh well, hello everyone. I'm done with my job, but before i talk about the job, let's talk about how i got it. It started when my friend and card-mate, Astley, called and told me about a job. He said that it's a traffic surveyor and asked if i'm interested. Well, since i'm rather free after the exams and had nothing to do, i agreed to it without much hesitation. Skipping to the day of briefing, Astley, Wei Jun, and I went to North Bridge Commercial Complex in Bugis for a briefing. The person-in-charge, Leo, briefed us about an urgent project they are doing, and some of the things we need to know to do it. When the selection for the location is going on, Astley, the main guy, just stoned all of a sudden. ...because of that, we are dispatched to Marina South, without a choice, as compared to West Coast, which is much farther. I'm considerably annoyed by his indecisiveness, but i could not bring myself to say anything harsh. He resembles me in every way when i was ...

Well, back for more already. This time on a heavier note. I've been nominated by my school, for a National University of Singapore Scholarship. I'm not too sure how should i feel. My parents are surprised and pleasant about it, but i, myself, felt that it is overkill. All things said now is too early. I'm not feeling really confident about my exams...at least, not a "Straight A's" feeling because of some messing-ups. Then all these university invitations and scholarships what-nots just keeps coming and coming, almost expecting me to get a really superb score, based on my preliminary. I once, heard from a teacher during maths lesson, that the A Levels exams, mmm? They aren't really representative of a student's performance because it's a one time examination. The teacher, Mr. P, further said that this is why some countries still refuse to take up the Cambridge examinations, despite its authenticity and reputation, as they believe a student's per...

A week as passed since my exams are over. It is quite hard to take it. I mean, all of a sudden, i'm free to do anything and almost everything. This freedom is rather refreshing, but also a little strange and unnatural. This reminds me of the period after my O level exams. Just that this time is a little different since i'm going to look for a job. Astley already found me one, though it only lasts 2 days long, but i'm looking forward to the experience it brings. In the past week, i've did nothing but watch videos (Like animations and especially, Mythbusters). I've also cleaned my room up. The legendary 'Paper Mountain' is gone and the empty space under the table is really...new. I kind of miss it, but i'm sure that i won't have to use those materials again. Oh, i've received a letter from the Army. I'm classified as PES C9 L2. Basically it means, i'm unfit for a lot of stuff (Like Marching, Outfield). But the L2 means i can still carry fir...

Well, it has been a month. Hello everyone, i'm back from Hell. A lot has happened in these past 3 weeks, during my exams. Of course i meant outside of the exams themselves, there's a lot despite the studying, memorizing and revising. Well, before the exam started, my mother decided to play the biggest trick that i've ever seen. She placed my cousin (From my mother's side) in the same room as i sleep in. Me on the bed, and him on the floor. I'm not afraid to voice it out or even show my disagreement, though my mother will just brush it off that it's "not going to cause any inconvenience" to me. Yeah right. For some reason, he keeps kicking my bloody bed at night, and it has awoken me a hell lot of times. AND he snores with a hissing sound. So his combo goes like, kick my bed and wake me up, then snore to keep me awake. This is one serious problem for me, especially for days when i have paper in the morning, which seriously happened despite my praying th...

Trailer for Persona 3 Portable (Jap): Well, in less than 8 hours it'll be out in Japan for sale. Guess i'll be importing just to see if there're any goodies. Oh yeah, in less than 10 days my exams will start...aww. But i'm prepared, so bring it! Anyway, after my exams, i might try to take a video of my walkthroughs for Persona 3. But it's still a big 'maybe'. Oh well, deal with the exams first. See ya.

I know i said about not posting, but digg this! Persona 3 Portable opening. The Japanese version is coming out this Saturday. Woo!

Alright, so i'm aware of my final aggregate for my preliminary exams. Physics - B Maths - A Accounting - A GP - S I could have easily become the top of the school, if my GP results are not as bad as that. It's in another word, crap. I'd agree that i'm not prepared for the essay and written out of point, causing me to get the score of 19 out of 50 (I'll note that i have not gotten this score for half a year now). However, despite my confidence in Paper 2, my score is still as low as 20 out of 50. This is ridiculous and almost hard for me to take, especially when i felt extraordinary confident about it. It is quite clear to me that what is the current problem i have. Unlike 6 months ago, i don't have much trouble with my 3 Higher 2 subject. It really is my GP that i should be worried about. One more fact to kill my mood, that is, if i fail my GP, i am considered to fail my A levels. It is THAT bad. That said i still can't focus all of my time on one single sub...

Yup, i got an A for maths! Now i just need a 0.9 marks to pull of the Triple-A stunt. It's not that far now. Well, i really might as well update about today. Guess the only remarkable thing was the sharing session with our GP tutors today. I thought it was a mock exam, but it turns out to be a motivational talk. Well, i'd say i'm motivated enough, just that recently i stopped studying and went back to my games (Tales of VS especially...got Luke and Leon to Rank BBB in 2 days). Well, i've gotta get a grip, and there's accounting test tomorrow. Well, same old Partnership. I feel scared already. See ya, when i have the time.

So like, hello to all of you. It's been at least a week (I think) since my previous post, and with that, my prelims are over! I've even got back some of my results already. Physics - B Accounting - A I swear, i am so irritated at the fact that i just need 1 more mark to make it a A! So far, only maths and GP are not revealed yet. But i've got an A for Maths paper 1. This may be my best results yet! Shows that i can do it if i try. Hard enough. --- So over these days, i've been playing some games. Well, after grinding for so long, i do think i deserve some rest, so i'm indulging in games as much as i can, while i can. For the past week, many have said that we do not have much time left before the nationals, which is true. I only hope that for some of my friends who are still sticking to their past ways, change! Else you wish to have another year to your tab. --- It was Mid-Autumn festival a few hours ago. As i went home from studying outside, i saw a lot of people pl...

Yup, another post to mark the night. Hello to everyone. Oh Hari Raya was just over. Selamat Hari Raya to all, and to those people who's done with their fasting. --- Don't be surprised if i talk too much about my studies. I mean, it is pretty much a major part of my life now. Living in Singapore, if you're screwed in the studies, you're pretty much screwed in life. With that said, it is not a definite outcome. Some people will always find jobs they like and stick with it. They've got an interest. They've got a possible talent. Suits them if they find something they like. But for a person who spent no time in thinking about his future...i pretty much can't lose a major battle like now. Though, i still play my PSP and DS every now and then. It is impossible for me to just drop all of my gaming habits and go into hyper-studying mode 100% all the time. My brain can't take it. My body can't take it. My eyes can't take it. So that's when i just play...

The first week of my final prelims is over. Four days of consecutive exams, just like that. I'm pleased to say, i did not have much trouble with my Maths and Physics paper. Well, i did damned lot of JC papers and so some questions are really familiar to me. Or it could be easy on a purpose. It's funny how we found a problem with the maths paper. But, because it's a "show" question, it can us who are wrong. Hence, all of us kept mum about it until the end of the exam. Lincoln very quickly complained to Ms Z who was just next door. There we have it, everyone will get a free 2 marks. Unexpectedly, the Accounting paper was hard. A never-before seen dificulty. I underestimated my opponent. But it's paper 1. My forte is with budgeting and Decision Making. I'll make the difference there at paper 2. Ok, it's the final few papers for prelims. Time to go back and prepare...for a week or so. --- "I find myself wandering back to the spot where i kept waiting ...

I guess it's fine to post once in a while...if i did my studies. So yeah, hello everyone. --- For my studies, it is proceeding well so far. I pretty much got Accounting in my back. Through a mock exam, i'm picking up in Maths too, PURE maths and not just statistics. Physics is going well too, thanks to a few papers (Some JC papers are just a little easy). If i continue to work hard and study, i believe it shouldn't be too long before i get what a want. --- Oh well, it's a big pain to know that a lot of games are coming out in the exam period (*coughs Persona 3 cough*), but i need to focus on that target. 2 more months to the finale. Hang on.

Ok, so it's been quite some time since i last updated, but i'll go through things a little brief this time. --- I've went for my medical checkup, and the news is not exactly nice. Apparently they still can't find out what's wrong with me other than high blood pressure, and i have got 4 more appointments with them. This kind of hit me hard. It wasn't any better when my Father said that it's due to my coffee-drinking habit. Fine, i'll ditch coffee drinking. The thing about this is that i'll miss a lot of lessons in school, which i really need them now. In order to make it up, it looks like i'll be attending night study. --- Then there's my academics. For Accounting, my results pretty much stabilised. I still have some doubts and misconceptions about Partnership, but it's more or less in my hands now. I am confident that in my 'A' levels, i'll definitely get above a B grade for Accounting. For Physics, it's still a low-flying...

Didn't really planned to post this soon, but after i read one of my friend's blog, i might as well. It is about Childhood. The weird thing about me that's rather different from others is that i somehow split my whole life till now as different phases, as i had different behaviors since young. I do remember that i was an extrovert when i was still in Primary school. The kind who, with a little bit of innocence and stubbornness, seeks joy and a carefree life. I loved to play pranks on my friends when i was young. Maybe you would argue everyone likes to, but there are those who doesn't, i'm sure of that. I often got into fights with some guys from another class, i even when so far as to go provoke my seniors in the primary school. Yes, i couldn't believe i was once a person like that. My childhood...is really more on a dark side. They are a part of me i refuse to recognize. I remembered that i once stole money from my family to buy those fanciful stationery (Yeah, ...

2 hours to our nation's birthday. Yay! Frankly speaking, is it really significant here? Most children are too young to understand 'patriotism', few teenagers really appreciate what National Day means, while most adults struggle to make ends meet. From the start of this nation till today, the significance of this once-grand event has gone on a straight downhill. What i heard in school, is really people just being happy about the holidays granted. Yet, such phenomenon can't be blamed. Where and what era are we living in? How hard it is nowadays to live in financial aspects? People are now prioritizing on accumulating wealth. Living simple and 'happy' is no longer the common goal. I only hope that, in their journey to pursue their ideals, they don't compromise their own morals...and their loved ones. --- Yesterday was the school's National Day celebration. The whole thing is just superb. We did close to nothing. Seriously, this is practically the first time...

Ahaha...and what would you call an utter disappontment. My name is not on the ranking list this time. For the first time in...i'm not sure, 2 years? My name is finally wiped from the list. I'll admit. I'm a little disappointed, but i can't blame it on anyone or anything other than myself. I'm playing my games and not giving my studies heck even during the exams. This kind of outcome is not at all unexpected. This instead gives me a harder pinch. I'll just have to put my name back there by force. And i don't mean just barely cutting in. I'll cut in high enough to make the mark. Yeah. I'll do it. Anything to put me back there.

So it's been confirmed. I'm one of the top students in the cohort again. This fact is not really a big deal. Truth be told, i'm quite disgusted that i'm a top-scorer. Why? I show you my results and we'll see. H2 Physics - D H2 Maths - S H2 POA - C (I'm the highest in my class) H1 GP - D Is this something a 'top-scorer' of a school should get? I have to admit that this prelims, i actually have a set of target scores to get, but the actual results are far from it. Not only does this shows the standards of our school, but it also says a lot for myself, that i've not been working hard enough. I'd say, even now i'm still not trying my best at studying. How? Say, the physics paper earlier this week on Monday. It was a Paper 3 from a only mediocre JC, but the questions just stumped me. Or we can go back to Tuesday, when i had the POA Mock exam. Despite Mr T's continuous effort to go through the Job Order Costing subject, i flunked tha...

So, like... I HAVE A COMPUTER TO MYSELF NOW!!! Haha, the 9.30pm limit is finally no a trouble anymore. --- I don't really have anything to say. Just that, it seems that Fate has it mysterious way of working things. That somehow, i kept seeing the girl i like everywhere. I guess, it seemed like an omen or something. I think i overdid somethings back then, i'm probably pulled back into that spiral...but... Ah it's confusing, so let me sort it out first.

Ok, i do know that i said i have a 2-week prelim exam and it's been 3 weeks, but i just didn't feel like posting last week. So, the prelim exams are over. The results are rather devastating. But i've made improvements on certain subjects. I failed my Maths paper 1, because Pure Mathematics is never my forte. I merely scraped through Physics. I got highest for POA for my class, but it was just a C grade. Oh well, enough of the depressing stuff. What is important now is to stay strong and make it through. --- ...and somehow i find my mind drifting back to her. What the heck must i do to really forget? --- Oh yeah, about the tagboard...screw it, i'm not changing my ways of dealing things. Tagboard will remain as a 'no' here until i'm happy with it. --- That's about it. (Pretty short for a long absence huh?)

Today marks the start of the 2 weeks preliminary examinations. They should all be set with a standard that's higher than the 'A' levels, to up our abilities more...so don't expect to see me posting these 2 weeks. --- The previous week was a crawling one...who knows why? It's almost as though my sense of time is numb, yet when used to practise my work it seemed to be never enough. In this holiday, i mostly studied my physics, which i got and want to maintain my level at A. Accounting is my next subject to improve on, trying to at least get a B. I'd think that i've completely given up on Mathematics, but the way that's setup makes it impossible to fail. They can't give too much emphasis on one single topic, so even if it's a topic that i'm not familiar with, it'll only be one question in a single paper. I'm abnormally adept in statistics so Paper 2 will be where i make the mark. In paper 1, pure mathematics, i'll have to revise up f...

I've been pretty obsessed about a few things recently. 1) I would think that a few people know this already, but i've moved on. This is not difficult to decipher at all so have fun guessing. Oh yeah, and thanks Astley (My near 6 years card-mate and near best-friends) for his advice on how to court gi..wait, this is giving the answer away... 2) THIS! I think the characters and song lyrics are just cute. Very cute. Kappa! --- Finished watching Silent Hill: Homecoming playthroughs on youtube. Oh, when i want to play a game very much but lack the means to, i'll watch people play them instead since all i'm going for is story. Silent Hill: Homecoming, or also known as Silent Hill 5, depicts the story when protagonist Alex Shepherd returns to his home after his service in the military. However things starts to go wrong soon... Oh yeah, Silent Hill Origins Protagonist Travis Gardy made a cameo appearance too! He's old already though, we can pretty much guess how long has it...

Yesterday was fun...and tiring. Met at Harbourfront MRT station with the photography crew and waited for the rest. Waited for about half an hour before we can move out with everyone there -_-. Seriously those idiots without time concept... Went to Hort Park first for our Nature photoshoot. It was quite cool. The national flower is there, a lot of species of different flowers, there's even a butterfly park. It's really cool! But i feel that it's quite sad...that such a magnificent park is set in an industrial area... Then walked to Mt Faber using the 'long bridges'. It is really long and vibrates easily, giving me and others who are afraid of heights some scare... On Mt Faber, it's just wonderful scenery. Near the end of the Mt Faber 'hike', there's a bridge that allows view from 77.68m above sea level - supposedly said the highest point in Singapore. The view is a wonderful meld between human's architecture and nature's beauty. We then starte...

I had my CMPB screening yesterday. It was quite fun, with a few highlights. Say, the blood test. When it was my turn, the person in-charge told me a story while sticking a needle into my arm. It seems that he thought i would be afraid of the needle, but actually his story kind of made me notice the needle more. He said not to marry foreign women for they will cheat your money. Haha, i have a neutral stand on this. Another interesting part is the MAPAS test (Who knows what that means?), where it tests our aptitude and check out our field of expertise. Questions ranged from simple mathematical series to language comparison to FRIGGIN' TOUGH PHYSICS QUESTIONS! I am actually unable to really correctly answer all of them. What a surprise. Released after that. Walked to Bukit Merah bus interchange and boarded Bus 198 back home. Nostalgic. --- Just a short story to share...so see you.

Ok, here comes the big update after a month...where should i begin? Let's start with the MI Official Opening (16th May 2009), which i can describe in a few words: "Utterly disappointing". Perhaps it's caused by the influenza, but because of that the whole carnival got toned down to a very small scale of say, the canteen and the basketball court. The booths were really...similar in a way or two. The environment is kind of awkward to move about as well...heck i can only think of complains. Although i did ask a few of my friends to go, ranging from my ex-schoolmates, my card-mates, and even my GE Faction mates, my main party for that day was with my card-mates. We went down there first and not surprisingly all of them had the same thoughts as i have: Boring. I already have regrets calling them all over to such a boring place (Seriously). After i passed my coupons to Meng Yang (with guilt, of course), i left the place and walk to the nearest MRT, that trip took us 20 minu...

The influenza has gotten us into high gear. All that flu talk really got me all...say, worried. There were talk that MI Carnival might be postponed, as well as talk that says that Singapore is going Level Red anytime. I'll disagree, and say that: "It's not that easy." --- In 2003 when SARS hit us, we were knocked out, hard...and with a butt that's sore for months. ...but only because we've never seen anything like this before. We were caught totally off-guard, and allowed the virus to invade our lives. Schools closed, and people wearing masks can be seen almost everywhere. Panic is common and people are just living in fear...in fear that the virus might invade their lives too. That was 2003. 6 years later, today. We are prepared. We are not afraid that this flu will attack us from behind and hit us in surprise. I doubt that we really will go into Level Red, but even if we do, we should be able to recover quickly, because of our past experience. We will not fal...

...getting out of the spiral... Sometimes, it's nice to just have a laugh or smile for absolutely no reason. Other times, just keep a straight face and you'll be fine for the day, at the very least. To that point, i'd say i've done it. ...but even so, no matter how much i seemed like i don't care, it does not mean at all, that i'll let someone ride on top of my head...for long. --- There was this one thing that seriously pushed me over the fence. On Wednesday. So, let me go through the thing, in entirety. It happened during home tutor period. There's supposed to be some class project work for Earth Week, or something of the sort. I really just don't have that kind of mood to participate in something like that. But well, it's not a choice for me to make. Then there was 2 ladies in my group, i swear in my name, who are bloody slackers - being not involved in the discussion, and when told to help, just did not. Who the heck did they think they are? ...w...

When your hope turns into despair... --- I got a B for my Project Work. A lot of people said that it's rather impressive, i mean, there are almost no As at all in our school. When i got the result, i just yell out in excitement. The rush of blood in my head is just so great i'm shouting and shouting and shouting. Without a care for those who have fallen. A lot of my friends are getting un-impressive scores. Coupled with their H1 contrasting subject grades, it is already impossible for them to go to the university. Even one of my friend in my clique. Yeah. Pity is that i don't know what to say to them. What am i supposed to say to them? I bet that anything anyone said just makes them feel worse. So i decided to leave them alone to cool off. --- What's funny comes after that. I feel...disppointment...which is just weird. I am prepared and confident that i can get a B grade or above, but when i knew that i got a B, i just felt that i am able to get an A. My Subject Tutor, ...

A week had passed, just like that. Time seems to flow with no hesitations, every minute and second just passed by us with no notice. I'd think that in the flash of the eye, 7 months would be gone and the final battle would begin. Yet i still felt nothing...i still felt empty and that i'm not doing enough. I am really tired of this daily routine, the endless target-setting, and useless self-reflection. Everytime i'm being reminded that i'm not doing enough, i just forget about it quick. I wanted to change, i really do. But how? One headbutt to the wall and i just run backwards into my hiding hole. Can this be called trying? The worst thing is, i'm actually spending significant amount of time evaluating my emotional progress. Is this what they call depression? Heck, no one should really give a damn unless i want to die. Wait a minute, they shouldn't care if if i wanted to. "I'm so damned tired of this bloody waiting game, and one that might even have a re...

"I guess i read stuff that i'm not supposed to see again." --- Supposedly i was going to attend the GP essay writing session early this morning...or i mean, dawn. However, i guess i spent too much time flipping in bed yesterday night that i missed out a lot of sleep. I ended up jumping back to bed...just for that 1 hour more of sleep. Oh well, today is any normal Monday. A super long day, that is. I guess the lesson i had fun most is actually accounting. I FINALLY, FINALLY cleared my doubts on Partnership. That is one of the bigger problem i had in Accounting. Now, only Incomplete Records and Ratios left. Wrote the essay in the afternoon. Man, it was one of the few essays i had so many ideas and with no more ink to finish! Now that was overkill...and the topic was on Mathematics! PE was quite fun, except during the Passing training. Everyone was into pairs and i, with a luck that's worse than help, am paired up with my Year 1 dance partner. It was really fine, but i m...

What do people do when they get old? I went to the barber to have my hair cut, since school is starting and my hair is beyond acceptable length. I happened to see the senior citizens there also having their hair cut. One thing that puzzled me is, that their hair is not even long or the type that cause any irritation. As i sit and wait for my turn, i can hear the old man and the barber talking about a lot of things. They were laughing and smiling and all that stuff. It's kind of comforting to know that, interaction is still strong even in these days. Being "Old" does not mean that you have to sit at home and do nothing, just like "Old people". To that guy i saw yesterday, at least it seemed to me that he is everything but 'old'. --- Had BBQ at MY's house in the evening. Apparently, our seat was taken by another family, who insist that the sheltered seat is free for everyone. MY was pissed big time and started talking 'loudly' in sarcasm. What ...

I failed to achieve my target score for my Economics. It was a C. I wanted to shout. I wanted to scream, even. But as i looked around and saw many crying faces, i just couldn't bring myself to. I should be considered lucky. There were people who were worse, i'm already fine. This way of thinking shouldn't be, but as the situation demands, i had to lie to myself. Looking around, it's not like i'm in an elite institution. Elites cry even if they a B, they want a A and nothing else. Us? Some can still laugh and smile with an E. Perhaps they are trying to be strong. Perhaps they already expected so. I have no idea. For me, regrettably, i've already expected this since i stop writing after the paper a few months ago. It wasn't really a big blow but i'm a little worried. Thanks to Mr T who still went on encouraging me. He is right, that H1 shouldn't be prioritised, and that i should focus on my H2 subjects now. I intend to. The Physics Common Test results ...

Yeah, so i saw something and became a little rash. I lost all of my composure and just let my emotions continue my work. It was my fault. I thought i had already given up, apparently i had not. A little competition is enough to bring me back to that sad and pathetic state. I hate this. I really hate it. Prey to what i've built up myself - my feelings. I must never allow myself to run wild again. I'll never be touched. Ever.

It...certainly has been long. Long since i posted here that is. School had re-opened, and i'm back to my studies already. Of course, that really only meant that i need to comply to a timetable. Nothing else is changing. I think. ...and yet, i felt like i have lost my drive to go on studying. I've fallen sick after Chinese New Year. Had a really bad cough that just won't go away. For that i took 2 days of medical leave...it's a good thing that i pick the days without much lessons, but i think this also meant that i'm dodging a lot of things. Sometimes i just felt that, i'm not as smart as i think i am. But when i take the tests and examinations, the illusions build up again. That i can actually handle it. I wish i can ask her for help, but i'd think that it's better not to bother her anymore. I ran out of things to say. Pretty funny considering how long have i stayed away. ...and i wish all out there, a Happy Valentine's Day.