Resolutions of Life

Today is the last day of 2008. 2008. Sounds like a year that will be very much missed. It was a busy year after all. With Project Work as well as my H1 Economics examinations, both of which i have confidence in scoring. A lot happened this year. I was faced with more responsibilities and challenges, and they changed me in a subconscious way...but i'm sure that it's in a good way too. Looking back at the start of this year, well, it isn't any drastic, or magnificent, but i welcomed 2008 with fear. Fear of losing my freedom due to the overwhelming responsibilities and work. I really am the person who likes to over-think things. I would always, before the situation is realised, simulate a scenario-like outcome that is based solely on my pessimism. I guess this is why i'm often conservative on the methods i used. ...and here we are today. I've come this far. I've learnt much. I've grown. 2009 resolutions...mmm...i guess staying the same is fine. But time would b...

It's Christmas...so merry christmas to everyone! Hope everyone will get at least one of the presents they want. --- I have...done what i wanted to do. There's no regrets, right? So now, i have to work really hard to make sure it goes smooth. All in her name.

Here comes a long update. 15th December (Monday) I went to Khatib with Astley for some games. We're playing card games...at a community centre! They actually have a card shop there and it's AIR-CONDITIONED! How many card chops nowadays are actually air-conditioned? I haven't seen any...until i wen there, of course. Played with the guys there and man, they are really strong! Can definitely tell the levels between us, but Astley said they started earlier, so they got more experience than i have. Bah, i'm not gonna look for excuses for my defeat, i lost fair and square using my trump card, so i can only go and train more...sigh. Left the place at around 2pm. On our way to the train station, i saw a figure ahead of me...some 200-400m? It looks like a model mosquito, with black and white legs and stuff, but somehow as the distance between me and that 'figure' pulls closer... ...it DISAPPEARED! ...is it actually alive? Or was it all just my hallucination? Mmm, i tried...

Got really bored (I guess you can tell...2nd post within 12 hours...and in the early morning to top it off)...so i decided to change the skin...i guess i was lucky to have found one that's Nagamasa-related. He is one of my favourite characters in the Samurai Warriors...cause he's one of those "Love and Honor" freaks! Haha. He's still pretty cool, though. --- I guess the post earlier was a little short, well probably because it was done in the late night when i was really tired. Lesson learnt? Well, don't blog when you're really tired. You waste a post talking near nonsense, AND you also waste time sleeping while you use it to blog. Neat. I tried to fried some rice yesterday for lunch. Well, i guess i didn't thaw the rice enough, so it's really hard when i bite. There's still some bits of coldness in it. I wonder why did i even finish it...oh yeah! I made eggs and sausages and ham too! The egg and ham was decent (Haha, seriously!), but the sausa...

Mmm. So my 'Home Alone' holiday would come to an end tomorrow. I'll really miss being by myself, i get to do a lot of things without having the need to answer anyone. Freedom, ah. ...but i was kind of sad...cause she was never online. I made up my mind to tell her some things...i just don't have the courage to call yet...so i'll wait for the time being...hope she had already made up her mind whether or not to go overseas...whatever her decision is, i'll support her. Take care.

Back for some more...'emo' stuff...but let's do it step by step, day by day. Monday was Hari Raya. It's a public holiday, so Wei Jun was released from his camp and back for that day. It was kind of strange, when i set my alarm to go off at 9am, i woke up and turn it off, then WENT BACK TO SLEEP.I was just expecting for another 10-15 minutes snooze...but when i know it, it was noon when i opened my eyes. How was that even possible... After cleaning up, i received a text message from Wei Jun, calling me to go out. I'd of course do so, he doesn't have much time with us nowadays. I left the house at around 1.25pm. Normally i'd have walked the distance, but that was a rainy day, the classical 'cats-and-dogs' style. I have no choice but to take the bus. I actually wanted to walk, since it is a form of exercise and i badly need one. My foot that initially suffers some pain when strained, seemed to be remedied when i take walks often. I guess that means i...

I just can't get myself to sleep these past few nights...well, 2 to be exact. I kept thinking, and thinking and thinking. What the hell was i thinking about...it's personal, but pretty much obvious. It's always funny how i planned to do something, but in the end never did it. I'll always have my brain doing work before i sleep, but when i wake up, i don't have the feeling to do it. It's really strange. I thought that i finally have the resolve to do it, maybe it was just a short rush of neurons in the brain. I did managed to accomplish some things, though. Like cleaning up my room today. I've always wanted put my PS2 console on the same platform with my television, so that i don't have to occupy one entire shelf for it. After clearing, i gained one more shelf! As well as a few free electirc sockets. My room looks more tidy now. With one exception, one really big computer monitor. It's like dumped into my room without a deadline or date to take it awa...

We had a long and deep conversation yesterday night. Well, the fact is i still can't muster up the courage to call and talk to her directly, so i did text-messaging. Initially i expected the topic to be two-sided...you know, ask each other about how their current life is, then comment and stuff like that. However, as the number of messages increase, it's more and more to her side. I'm perfectly fine with it, if not actually happy about it...for she is willing to share her troubles with me. I think i learned a lot about her yesterday, what is she currently pursuing and what some of her obstacles she faced. I guess that her leaving Singapore is an inevitable ending, she's even gone so far as taking the entrance examinations for U.S. colleges. Perhaps this is why she doesn't want to get in relationship...i mean, if one has to leave sooner or later, why get attached together, let feelings bond, then leave to hurt the other party? Is that really what you're thinking?...

So like, one of my friends is joining the army soon, tomorrow. Sure we'll feel a little sad, but i guess this is something inevitable. Let's hope that when we get together at his first break he will remain the same. --- ...it is because this is the harsh reality we're living in. All of us wished for things to stay the way they are. Maybe it's because we're afraid of what is going to come. ...or maybe it's because we know that, we can never return to the way it was once we accept it. Perhaps all of us are mere puppets. Puppets caught in the pathetic cycle called 'Life'. What we can do to improve it is perhaps...to face it with full optimism. --- I'm worried about her. Damn it.