Resolutions of Life

Today is the last day of 2008. 2008. Sounds like a year that will be very much missed. It was a busy year after all. With Project Work as well as my H1 Economics examinations, both of which i have confidence in scoring. A lot happened this year. I was faced with more responsibilities and challenges, and they changed me in a subconscious way...but i'm sure that it's in a good way too. Looking back at the start of this year, well, it isn't any drastic, or magnificent, but i welcomed 2008 with fear. Fear of losing my freedom due to the overwhelming responsibilities and work. I really am the person who likes to over-think things. I would always, before the situation is realised, simulate a scenario-like outcome that is based solely on my pessimism. I guess this is why i'm often conservative on the methods i used. ...and here we are today. I've come this far. I've learnt much. I've grown. 2009 resolutions...mmm...i guess staying the same is fine. But time would b...

It's Christmas...so merry christmas to everyone! Hope everyone will get at least one of the presents they want. --- I have...done what i wanted to do. There's no regrets, right? So now, i have to work really hard to make sure it goes smooth. All in her name.

Here comes a long update. 15th December (Monday) I went to Khatib with Astley for some games. We're playing card games...at a community centre! They actually have a card shop there and it's AIR-CONDITIONED! How many card chops nowadays are actually air-conditioned? I haven't seen any...until i wen there, of course. Played with the guys there and man, they are really strong! Can definitely tell the levels between us, but Astley said they started earlier, so they got more experience than i have. Bah, i'm not gonna look for excuses for my defeat, i lost fair and square using my trump card, so i can only go and train more...sigh. Left the place at around 2pm. On our way to the train station, i saw a figure ahead of me...some 200-400m? It looks like a model mosquito, with black and white legs and stuff, but somehow as the distance between me and that 'figure' pulls closer... ...it DISAPPEARED! ...is it actually alive? Or was it all just my hallucination? Mmm, i tried...

Got really bored (I guess you can tell...2nd post within 12 hours...and in the early morning to top it off)...so i decided to change the skin...i guess i was lucky to have found one that's Nagamasa-related. He is one of my favourite characters in the Samurai Warriors...cause he's one of those "Love and Honor" freaks! Haha. He's still pretty cool, though. --- I guess the post earlier was a little short, well probably because it was done in the late night when i was really tired. Lesson learnt? Well, don't blog when you're really tired. You waste a post talking near nonsense, AND you also waste time sleeping while you use it to blog. Neat. I tried to fried some rice yesterday for lunch. Well, i guess i didn't thaw the rice enough, so it's really hard when i bite. There's still some bits of coldness in it. I wonder why did i even finish it...oh yeah! I made eggs and sausages and ham too! The egg and ham was decent (Haha, seriously!), but the sausa...

Mmm. So my 'Home Alone' holiday would come to an end tomorrow. I'll really miss being by myself, i get to do a lot of things without having the need to answer anyone. Freedom, ah. ...but i was kind of sad...cause she was never online. I made up my mind to tell her some things...i just don't have the courage to call yet...so i'll wait for the time being...hope she had already made up her mind whether or not to go overseas...whatever her decision is, i'll support her. Take care.

Back for some more...'emo' stuff...but let's do it step by step, day by day. Monday was Hari Raya. It's a public holiday, so Wei Jun was released from his camp and back for that day. It was kind of strange, when i set my alarm to go off at 9am, i woke up and turn it off, then WENT BACK TO SLEEP.I was just expecting for another 10-15 minutes snooze...but when i know it, it was noon when i opened my eyes. How was that even possible... After cleaning up, i received a text message from Wei Jun, calling me to go out. I'd of course do so, he doesn't have much time with us nowadays. I left the house at around 1.25pm. Normally i'd have walked the distance, but that was a rainy day, the classical 'cats-and-dogs' style. I have no choice but to take the bus. I actually wanted to walk, since it is a form of exercise and i badly need one. My foot that initially suffers some pain when strained, seemed to be remedied when i take walks often. I guess that means i...

I just can't get myself to sleep these past few nights...well, 2 to be exact. I kept thinking, and thinking and thinking. What the hell was i thinking about...it's personal, but pretty much obvious. It's always funny how i planned to do something, but in the end never did it. I'll always have my brain doing work before i sleep, but when i wake up, i don't have the feeling to do it. It's really strange. I thought that i finally have the resolve to do it, maybe it was just a short rush of neurons in the brain. I did managed to accomplish some things, though. Like cleaning up my room today. I've always wanted put my PS2 console on the same platform with my television, so that i don't have to occupy one entire shelf for it. After clearing, i gained one more shelf! As well as a few free electirc sockets. My room looks more tidy now. With one exception, one really big computer monitor. It's like dumped into my room without a deadline or date to take it awa...

We had a long and deep conversation yesterday night. Well, the fact is i still can't muster up the courage to call and talk to her directly, so i did text-messaging. Initially i expected the topic to be two-sided...you know, ask each other about how their current life is, then comment and stuff like that. However, as the number of messages increase, it's more and more to her side. I'm perfectly fine with it, if not actually happy about it...for she is willing to share her troubles with me. I think i learned a lot about her yesterday, what is she currently pursuing and what some of her obstacles she faced. I guess that her leaving Singapore is an inevitable ending, she's even gone so far as taking the entrance examinations for U.S. colleges. Perhaps this is why she doesn't want to get in relationship...i mean, if one has to leave sooner or later, why get attached together, let feelings bond, then leave to hurt the other party? Is that really what you're thinking?...

So like, one of my friends is joining the army soon, tomorrow. Sure we'll feel a little sad, but i guess this is something inevitable. Let's hope that when we get together at his first break he will remain the same. --- ...it is because this is the harsh reality we're living in. All of us wished for things to stay the way they are. Maybe it's because we're afraid of what is going to come. ...or maybe it's because we know that, we can never return to the way it was once we accept it. Perhaps all of us are mere puppets. Puppets caught in the pathetic cycle called 'Life'. What we can do to improve it is perhaps...to face it with full optimism. --- I'm worried about her. Damn it.

I missed the physics lesson held yesterday because of some mis-communication, but i heard that its a lesson on Electric Field, and i'm not weak on that subject, so i am kind of glad that i missed it. Mr C still called to tell me that there's lesson on Wednesday, though. ...in NUS. I paid $7.50 for the materials required, reached the place, and found out that it's not an actual lesson. The whole lecture was really interesting, though, conducted by a University Professor. In contrary to what i have thought, a boring and gloomy lecture, the professor made a lot of jokes and liven up the whole lecture. I feel that i can absorb the information better. After his lectures and some experiments, we went on to do a practical ourselves. Nothing much, so i won't go into it...one thing i can say, is that we apply a lot of equations and theorems into the experiment, but sometimes we still do things based on our intuition. Went home afterwards...after a short 'tour' in NUS. Th...

Life is full of wonders. For example, i wonder which kind of wonders are out there. I wonder why do i have dreams that lets me keep my hopes high but never came true. I wonder if you ever even had the thought of giving me a chance. I wonder if i can really wait for life like i was saying to everyone. I wonder if i got no answer so that you know there will always be someone helping you. I wonder who is the person you like. I wonder where you are now. I wonder what kind of answer i am expecting from you if i ask you again. I wonder if you're happy. I wonder if it's stupid for me to keep waiting. I wonder if things will ever go my way. See? That's 10 wonders from my life already, and there's more. Taking all of mine and multiplying it by the number of people in the world, and you get a world full of 'wonders'. --- I got the Prinny game finally. It...wasn't really much nicer than i expected, it's a stage-by-stage game, each stage is rather challenging and th...

...and so my brother got back his PSLE results today. His score wasn't exactly impressive, because it's under his expectations by A LOT...but he still beats mine anyway. Hey brother, cheer up and stay strong for the challenges up ahead. Oh, and i met Mr T, my P6 teacher who also remembered who i am! Haha, dear dear nostalgia. --- Gundam vs Gundam was out! It plays exactly like Rengou vs Zaft, but with lower and tuned-down graphics. The first unit i used wasn't the Wing Zero like i thought i would, but instead, i used Trowa's Heavyarms Custom. Gameplay was better than i could have hoped for, unlike the reviews i've been reading based on the arcade version (Which is supposed to be better). Just waiting for the Prinny game! --- Good luck for tomorrow. You'll get what you want.

I thought i would come running here giving a post after my exams are over. Immediately. But i guess i did not. So, the 'A' Levels examination is finally over for this year. It also meant that i don't have to touch the subjects i've gone through, that's Mother Tongue and Economics. Normally, it would mean a lot. However, i don't have that 'Holiday' feeling. I didn't even feel relieved even though the Economics paper was fine. There is this...invisible weight lying on my shoulders, and i have absolutely no idea what that was. Maybe it's because i'm scared of next year, with more subjects during the examinations. Maybe it's because of something else. Whatever it is, this feeling is really annoying and i want to get rid of it as soon as possible. --- I started to read manga online. Yes, after browsong their directory and archives, i felt really stupid to actually spend money on something you can actually get for free. All you need is some pat...

Perhaps i was over-simplifying things. After my PW Presenatation, i kind of lose focus at everything. My studies, games and other stuff like that. Something keeps distracting my mind, i thought it would be better to do just nothing. I think, i'm only waiting for the end of this year to come. I had this thought, an obnoxious and overly-confident thought that things will definitely go my way. But perhaps it's just not as simple as i thought would be. I'm living everyday without an aim, a cause, a meaning. I feel that, humans with a meaning in life, is no different from animals that we see around. That is how i felt really. I live everyday hating myself doing that, because i'm aware that i'm just wasting my life away. But then again, a part of me actually loves it. --- 2 days later would be my last paper of this year: Economics. After that, well, i'll just prepare for whatever is about to come. I feel like screaming out loud, but there's little point to it when...

H1 Project Work officially ends today. Yet the highlight of the task is yesterday, when my group did the Oral Presentation. It's not that i want to brag, but in my opinion, among the 5 groups in my own class, my group is the best in terms of clarity, fluency as well as our presentation effectiveness. It's also nice to say that all of our members did well in their responses to questions. Overall, we did well. Well enough to expect an A. Our journey down this 7-8 months was tough. Very tough. Through this time period, we see much more than we normally would. How one would actually behave, how one will actually rise to the occasion. For my group, we have both of these cases. I've seen people who did not contribute at all despite what they say, i've also seen people who worked more than i expected them to. To my group members, thank you for the well-done presentation. Even though i pretty much did everything else, the written report, the compilation of slides, but at the en...

Ah, i've gotten back my report book and returned it after it's signed. I have no idea how my results are modded in such a way i got 3 'B's for my H2 subjects. I think i'm probably marked up with my rubrics and mid-year scores. A lot of my teachers told me to work hard, i have the potential. Sometimes i would just ask if i can live up to their encouraging words. Another thing to note is, my Project Work Written Report is finally handed up for official submission! That is one big load off my shoulders. I had approval from both my PW mentors as well as some external assessors that the report is quite well done. I rather happy to hear that, at least i know i didn't waste all those time on Saturday and Sunday mornings on my report. I heard that Dat's group is rather thorny to him. I kind of understood the situation, but i also see that it's part of his fault, which he acknowledged. However, it does not mean that the other group members should use his absence ...

It has been pretty long, so here's an entry. I got my results back. I can't say much but it's expected. I barely passed my Math and Physics, but got the highest for Accounting (Paper 2). I ranking in the whole level is 9. 9 of 500+ people. You know what kind of standard our school is now. About Project Work, it's still pretty much the same, with me solo-ing the whole deal. My group went and have a dry run with external assessors, and they commend that i'm the best speaker in the group, all confident and prepared and stuff. My other members need more work though. I made a different approach about my written report, instead of doing the whole thing in just a single document, i split the whole report into different sections for easier reference and editing. It appears that this is a better idea since i can manage it with greater ease. I'm not sure why, but i'm losing sleep worrying for my Project Work, for no reason. But i think i got the whole idea more or les...

I felt really lazy today, so i skipped school. I don't really know why, perhaps it's because it's a short day and nothing important will happen, so i didn't go. Or perhaps it's because today may be the last day for a decent rest until my national exams. Anyway, i just didn't feel like going today. I saw the new and revised timetable for our intensive revision. It's actually the opposite of what i thought it would be. Each day are really long and lessons are cramped to up to 4 periods at once. Just imagine sitting in a room listening to the Chinese teacher rant for 2 2/3 hours. That's how bad it is. The dismissal time is also very late, maybe a little early dismissal for some days, but overall it means that the stress that is tormenting us will continue for a while more. I hope that it won't be the similar case for the beginning of next year...just the beginning. It would seemed that our results are to be quarantined until the end of the promotional e...

It has been 2 weeks since my last post. My promotional exams are over, meaning to say that i can lay low for a while until my H1 national exams. Actually, i see the need to start working on my revision now. The end of the promotional exams would also mean that i have to start working on my Project Work again. Seriously, i am not really confident about the papers this time. Passing it shouldn't be a problem, but i probably can't achieve my target grades, despite the hours i have invested in studying. In the end, i can only blame myself for not trying hard enough, since i was playing around. I also am very irritated by people who keep telling you nonsense and stuff about them failing. From their tone, it's easy to tell that they are not trying to be humble, but demoralising you by being sarcastic. What's worst is, they actually may really fail the paper, so there isn't really any point in being sarcastic. ...and so i have a 5 day break from yesterday till next Tuesday...

Recently i just can't get myself to study, i don't really know why. Whenever i set my eyes on the notes i want to study on, my mind just drift somewhere else...so far away that i couldn't concentrate. I thought i made clear to myself of what i want...if so, then why am i still distracted? I did get some work done, though. In fact, it may be all i cared to pass. My economics. But after that, i did nothing else...close to nothing. I went back to school yesterday, going through Maths assignments. Questions i attempted to do, but just don't know how to. With the teacher's guiding, i know how to solve them. The questions are actually easy, i don't really know why i had trouble in the first place. I think i just didn't try hard enough. I took another look at the topics that are to come out. I had no idea whether to laugh or cry. The topics are easy, only with a few abstract topics like complex numbers and vectors, which is all the more reason i need to get back to...

I must say that i didn't expect a return. My life as a Year 2 student in the institute is a very busy one, as expected since the beginning of the year. Moreover, i chose to come back at the period of my Promotional Examinations. Similar to a trick i pulled years ago, but nonetheless, i'm still a sane person. I guess 2 years...or just say 1 and a half years is a long period. During this period i was a...how do i say this...a person who does nothing seriously. Everything was a come-and-go basis, i would not go the extra mile to get a nice result. Dreams, ambitions, goals. Things that's deemed important to almost everyone around me, but only worthless to me, and myself only. Perhaps that's why i have no drive, no ambition that motivates me to work hard. An added reason may be due to talent. I found out that, in my school while others are struggling to pass their exams, i get through without much trouble. Sure, it's no fantastic result, not an A or even B. But this puts...

Back, again, for the 4th time. Just a test and nothing much.